Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Gospel According to Little Timmy

Written by Wayne Chambliss
Illustrated by Eric Sweet

"Suffer the children..."

Timmy and Tommy played in the sandbox.
Now they both have chickenpox.

Timmy's sister wiped her snot, watching Cinderella.
At first, he didn't feel so hot. Now he's got Rubella.

Timmy and Tanya sat in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Cooties aside, what's gross is
Timmy got mononucleosis.

Timmy has asthma?
He has, ma.

"Grrr! Grrrrrr! Je suis le loup-garou!" Timmy, it's lupus,

Timmy's dyslexic; he can't read worth a damn.
Good thing he likes anagrams.

"Artistic! Artistic!" everyone's cheering.
Poor Timmy: autistic, and hard of hearing.

The little girls' or little boys' room?
Timmy is XX Chromosome.

I like Coke. Eugene prefers Pepsi.
Timmy suffers from epilepsy.

Timmy likes to eat fish tacos Friday and Saturday nights.
So do his intestinal parasites.

Aye, Timmy. You can watch I CLAVDIVS.
Just keep an eye on your IV's.

Timmy's kitty is a Siamese.
So is his brother--they were joined at the knees.

Ah, Timmy. A barbershop quartet's
no sort of life for a kid with Tourette's.

Timmy has a harelip. His mother has a beard.
In front of one the other was reared.

Timmy's like, "Yo, those dogs gotta go, sis.
I got toxoplasmosis!"

Timmy shouts, "Look at me, ma!"
But she can't: it's leukemia.

Unlike Mikey, Timmy cannot eat his Wheaties.
Type-1 diabetes.

One towel says HERS. One towel says HIS.
Timmy's says HIV.

Timmy doesn't really fit in
without Ritalin.

Timmy's chums grew less collegial
the more they knew of his tail vestigial.

The cow is of the bovine ilk. Timmy dwelt in another bracket,
until he contracted Creutzfeldt-Jakob.

Timmy did a little dance, a dance that did delight us,
but it was spinal meningitis.

Timmy met a bumblebee and whacked it with his sock.
Now he's in anaphylactic shock.

Timmy's mother is Haitian. His father is from Korea.
One day it's constipation. The next, it's diarrhea.

Timmy had a little fever. He took two aspirin, stayed at home.
Now he has Reye's Syndrome.

Timmy's sleep is very deep. That's the trouble with kids.
They sleep, and sleep, and sleep, and sleep, and sometimes it is SIDS.

Nothing recedes like recess.


Anonymous said...

This has got to be one of the worst things I have ever seen but I don't think I have laughed this hard in a long while. Man that was great!

Jennifer said...

Modern day Grimm's!

Anonymous said...

They sleep and sleep and sleep and sometimes SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) ahahahah freaking grimmy XD XD

Anonymous said...

dis iz not funny do yall no how many kids aculy got all of det stuff des crap wat if yall had det stuff u would not want nobody makin no jokes about it PS.(not tryin to be a pary pooper bt its da truth).